


At Last

by SerStolas



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/M, Introspection, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 10:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10384596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerStolas/pseuds/SerStolas
Summary: Regret, lies, and deceit have defined most of her life.  Even when she finds herself in another relationship, she can't bring herself to be totally honest with him, and even has issues being honest with herself.The female Imperial Agent's thoughts throughout her relationship with Koth Vortena and her reflections on her prior relationship with Vector Hyllus.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written after another playthrough of the Imp Agent storyline. Jasna'thea is a very conflicted character, sometimes not entirely who she really is or what she really feels. The fic is a bit rambly, but it's where my mind went when I got into this Agent's headspace. I may add more later, depending on if Vector is brought back in the next expansion.
> 
> SWTOR owned by Bioware and EA

The first time she flirts with Koth, it’s to remind herself that she’s alive and she’s free of the carbonite. She has no Imperial Intelligence to answer to; no Sith Intelligence; it’s just her, Koth, HK-55, and Lana. T7 is still somewhere in the bowels of Zakuul, gathering information and spying for them.

The second time she flirts, she doesn’t know if it’s because she used seduction, flirting, and words to get through so many things in the past, or if she doesn’t remember how to interact normally anymore. She finds his optimism amusing, and he’s a decent shot. There are worst people in the world to keep company with. 

She lies and says she agrees with Koth when he talks about destiny, even if she thinks it’s incredibly naïve. She can’t bring herself to burst that bubble for him. Even before she became Cipher Nine, she knew the world was a dark and ugly place, and most people were willing to lie, cheat, and steal if it benefited them. 

Kaliyo always had, but then Kaliyo had never lied about who or what she was. Kaliyo might lie about everything else, but she never lied about the fact that Cipher Nine shouldn’t trust her.

When they’ve been on Odessan for several days and she finds herself in command of this new Alliance, and they feel like they might have something to celebrate, even after Asylum, no matter how briefly. So she pulls him into a back room of the cantina. He talks more about destiny and inspiration, and she ends up silencing him with a kiss. When she wakes up in his bed the next morning, she slips away before he wakes up, feeling guilty as she gazes down the warm length of his body, the rich brown of his skin. He looked at her the night before with eyes of molten gold.

But in her dreams she finds herself remembering eyes of endless blackness. She remembers the counterpart to her own red eyes, and the accepting and peaceful man she used to spend her nights with.

She buries the guilt, and for whatever reason, Kaliyo declines to mention Vector when she sees the Agent around Koth. Dr. Lokin raises an eyebrow occasionally, he had always liked Vector, but he never says anything, and eventually he stops giving her that look.

She lets herself slip back into Koth’s bed more than once, and eventually she gives up leaving before sunrise. Eventually when she’s spent the night in his bed or he in hers, she lets herself luxuriate in the feeling of someone else’s warmth pressed against her own.

Eventually she stops asking Theron for updates on his search for Vector. Theron doesn’t bring the search up again, and he occasionally smiles when he sees Koth pull the Agent turned Commander onto the dance floor in the cantina.

She isn’t surprised when Scorpio betrays them…everyone but Vector and Lokin have betrayed her at one point or another in her life. 

She’s almost waiting for Koth to do so.

Koth’s disapproval when she lets Senya and Arcann escape is palpable, but she ignores it, like she’s learned to ignore so many other things in her life: the lies, the smiling faces, the deaths of those necessary to achieve her goals. Koth is still naïve, and she still can’t find herself to ruin that for him.

The Empire and the Republic had both used her, the Jedi and the Sith, and Hunter…she remembers that she had far more in common with Hunter than she liked at one time. The Commander is good at playing her part and pushing things aside to get the necessary done. 

She sometimes used to let the mask slip around Vector. She never really lets it slip around Koth. The Commander is fairly certain the only person who totally understands is Theron, because he’s worn masks for so long himself. She seems him let himself go a little around a Jedi she’s seen around the base…a pureblood Sith Jedi of all things. But this universe is a strange place, and she never asks how the Sith pureblood ended up among the Jedi.

Her spat with Koth over letting Senya and Arcann is forgotten when Koth greets her over holocall on Voss. He greets her eagerly once the battle is done, though they have no more than a few stolen moments before she’s on a ship back to Dromand Kaas. When she finally returns to Odessan with Lana and Theron, after she’s shot Saresh dead in the hanger bay, he greets her with relief. They have a night or two before he has to ship out again. 

They never do get more than a few days together. They never say “I love you.” Koth still brings up destiny, and they have fun with each other, but neither of them ever admits to any deeper feelings. It’s probably better that way.

When she and Lana encounter him on the Gravestone, even with the insanity of Scorpio and Vaylin taking over the ship, she throws her arms around him and kisses him with gusto. He is a reminder that she is alive, and in control of some small portion of her life. When they are reunited on Iokath, she sooths his distress over the Zakuulian Naval officer. 

If she admits it to herself, she does care for him, but she doesn’t know that she loves him, not the way she did Vector. But then Vector had a way of quietly accepting everything in her life. He never confronted her in jealousy when she used seduction as a tool in the field. Even when she married a Voss, he simply understood that it was a necessity of the job.

Koth challenges her in a way Vector never did. Perhaps that is why she deliberately keeps their relationship one of lovers, but not in love. Koth never complains about that though, and he never seems to expect those three little words. She sees a shadow in his eyes sometimes, and wonders who he loved in the past.

Eventually she stops expecting Koth to betray her.

When Arcann joins the Alliance, she can almost feel the anger rolling of Koth when they touch down on base, but he doesn’t say anything to her about it.

They both spend that night, and a few more, alone. When they come back together, it’s without words, on the dancefloor in the cantina again. When she wakes up in his arms, she doesn’t pull away, and he tightens his grip on her just a little.

They never do end up talking about Arcann. Koth eventually seems to become resigned to the man’s presence in the Alliance, the same way he did with Senya.

When they kill Vaylin and she finally beats Valkorian, they take control of the Eternal Throne. She doesn’t want to sit on it. She’s been used for so long by political powers…even if she were technically in charge; she feels she’d still be used. So she declares them a peacekeeping force. A few days later when the celebration on Odessan is in full swing, she quietly slips out when most are gone on drinks, and finds herself in the clearing where she once spoke to Valkorian. She’d already danced once with Koth. He’s drinking with his crew now, and she hopes it will keep him busy.

She sits with her knees drawn up to her chest, chin resting on one knee as she stares into the starry sky above.

She is alone in her own head for the first time in ages: no Sith mind control, no control by the Jedi or Hunter or even the Star Cabal.

She is completely alone, and she has no idea what to make of it. Outside forces have drive her for so very long..

She stares up at that starry sky and it reminds her of the endless blackness of Vector’s eyes again.

And finally, she lets herself cry. She has spent years, more than a decade really, holding it all in. She lets the hot tears spill down her cheeks as she buries her head in her blue hands. She’s only ever let herself cry once before, with Vector, after Ziost.

She mourns the one love she did lose, though she wonders if it would have been enough for her in the end. Vector never challenged her, and maybe it was what she needed at the time. Now…well, Koth challenges her on her decisions when he disagrees, and they seem to have gone pretty deep into ‘relationship’ territory, but they still haven’t whispered those words.

Alone in this clearing, with the tears spilling down her cheeks, she is finally just Jasna’thea. Not Agent, not Cipher, not the Commander.

She mourns for the love that was and the love that will never be.

Maybe someday Jasna’thea Storm will understand what real love really is. For today though, she just lets herself cry.

Alone, at last.


End file.
